A day in the life of Deadpool

Deadpool. You know him. You love him. You’ve had inappropriate dreams about him. The merc with a mouth! The regenerating degenerate! The crazy-talking-gun-for-hire who can heal from any wound.

From one of the issues of Marvel’s Deadpool.

Note: He hears voices inside his head. Can be a little confusing. And he desperately wants to die but cannot due to his healing factor. And hallucinates too. Yeah, everything’s wrong with him.

Wade Wilson is a graduate (victim) of the secret super soldier program, Weapon X. There he was trained to be a living weapon (experimented on) & hailed as the greatest of the program’s warriors (rejected as a failure). Now, he’s not only one of the world’s most dangerous man (that’s true), but he’s also one of the world’s most intelligent (insane) & attractive bachelors (actually he’s hideous). So ladies (if you saw his face you would probably–) Hey– (–puke all over your–) Dude. (What?) What are you doing? (whaddaya mean?) Tryin’ to give a bio here. (Well then get your facts straight.) It’s OUR bio, bro! (…OH…).

So here goes..

8.45 AM
“What? Why am I up so early?”
“My brain’s not even up yet.”
Voice 1: “We are up.”
Voice 2: “Talk about yourself.”
“But why so early?”
Voice 1: “We gotta go to our job.”
“What job? I have a job?”
Voice 1: “Yeah. Who do you think kills people around here?”
Voice 2: “I might not be awake right now but I know the answer to that question.”

“That’s us. Right?”

9.10 AM
“Need some pancakes.”
“Need some thousand pancakes.”
Voice 2: “Are we acting mad again?”
Voice 1: “That’s like all the time.”

10.00 AM
*A knock on the door*
Voice 1: “Maybe a friend of ours.”

“We have friends?”

Voice 2: “Yeah, those who don’t care about us.”
“You mean, those who won’t kill us?”
Voice 2: “Exactly.”
“Wait.. Where the hell is my IPhone?”
Voice 1: “Yeah we need our daily dose of Candy Crush before we do anything.”
Voice 2: “Or flappy bird.”
“Seriously? How is it even possible that my brain doesn’t know the stuff that I know?”
“It’s Snapchat time.”
Voice 1: “But.. “
Voice 2: “Oh shut up. We know we need friends for that.”
“And we have Bob, our BFF.”

*Another knock*

“Yeah, Bob. Coming.”

“But, first, lemme take a selfie!”

Artist: Nick Bradshaw

 

*On the door, a pizza delivery guy*
“Who ordered pizza?”
Voice 1: “I did.”
“What? When?”
Voice 2: “How?”
“We amuse us.”
Voice 1: “Oh please, just pay the guy.”
“Got no money, dude. Should have consulted before ordering.”
Pizza guy: “Make it fast.”
Voice 2: “Isn’t he a little irritating.”
Voice 1: “Don’t do this guys. He’s my usual delivery guy.”
“I’ll pay him right.”
Voice 1: “DON’T.. “
*BAM*
Voice 2: “Now that’s a job done right.”

To be continued..

(If anyone wants to see more of this, comment)

Why I’m not a potterhead

Harry Potter is without doubt the biggest success any book/movie series ever had. And it deserves all the attention it gets. I don’t know one person who doesn’t like the Harry Potter series. I am a fan myself.

But being a potterhead, that’s different.  And most probably I’ll never be one until I find the answer to one simple question: What is the origin of the “Magic Blood” in the Harry Potter universe?

I know, I know wizards/witches existed before the Harry Potter books were written but I still demand an explanation for something which is different than what we have in this “real” world. Even that retarded, delusional Joker in the DC universe had an origin story.

Maybe there is an origin story, maybe I’m just missing out on it. And I’m not talking about any assumptions or other stories which is not a part of the Harry Potter universe. I need a legit origin. I NEED!

Until then, I’m a huge fan, just not a potterhead.

What not to say to an Argentina fan

FIFA World Cup 2014 has ended but this doesn’t stop us from continuing our foolish discussions (better known as fights) about the players and the teams. As a football fan it’s my duty to begin/continue just another futile but important topic.
This guide might someday save a fight between some poor chap trying to make a conversation to break the awkward silence and some cold hearted stranger. What? Can’t I be a little optimistic?
So, here goes..

1. “Pele was greater than Maradona”

You just lost all our respect. Just for the sake of your puny brain let me tell  you why this statement is more than incorrect. Pele was a great football player with a better ball skill BUT Maradona had a wide range of abilities including his lethal free kicks and Hulk-like strength. He was a better all rounder.

2. “Argentina supporters are arrogant”

I don’t know how long this hateful comment has been around the corner but I had a face to face encounter during this world cup only. So, I could come up with just one ridiculous reason and I will say this just one time: One song doesn’t decide              everything!!   

               
3. “Ronaldo is way better than Messi”

You just snatched our hearts, crushed them in a grinder and gave them to the stray dogs. To anyone who has ever used this in front of anybody, I have just one thing to say to you: You, sir, are stone cold, and if I ever meet you, I will slap you.        

                                                                              
4. “You support Argentina just because of Messi”

Oh, aren’t you a member of the ignorant society?
Just to make it clear, many of us were on Argentina’s side because of Maradona. But now that a team has actually emerged, we are here for the team. We are just extremely lucky that Messi is a part of this team.

Batman v/s Superman

With the news of Dawn Of Justice everywhere, it seems like everybody has to say something about it. I, personally, am very excited for it being a prequel to (finally) a Justice League movie. After this many years, we deserve it.
But there’s one thing that bothers me about this. And that is the “V/S” part. The amazing friendship of Batman and Superman (maybe less amazing than Hal and Wally’s) really has to start with a fight? Really?
I have read enough comics to be done with their fights and also enough to want more of their moments as super friends. And most people disagree with me, including my ignorant friends (afterall, what do they know).

I’m actually more concerned about the fact that after the fight, in the end of the movie, will they be friends? Will they be able to reach the level of friendship where Superman trusts Batman with his own life and hands him the piece of Kryptonite even in the Justice League movie? Probably not.
And everybody has to agree, they share one of the best bromances in the history of DC universe.

Oh, get a room you two.

Oh, wait. They already did.

New rule: Justice is served only when a bed is shared.

The World’s Finest (literally) compliment each other really well when on the same side. I’ll miss that.

About the blog

Well, here I should make it clear that this blog is not like those tumblr blogs obsessing over anything and everything.
Being batman, I’ll be sharing a lot of my stuff and please don’t call that obsession.

I’m anything but self obsessed, darling.
And I’m obsessed with Lionel Messi and a great football fan. So there’s that.

And yes comics, lots of comic stuff.
And maybe, sometimes, rarely, novels.