Deadpool. You know him. You love him. You’ve had inappropriate dreams about him. The merc with a mouth! The regenerating degenerate! The crazy-talking-gun-for-hire who can heal from any wound.
From one of the issues of Marvel’s Deadpool.
Note: He hears voices inside his head. Can be a little confusing. And he desperately wants to die but cannot due to his healing factor. And hallucinates too. Yeah, everything’s wrong with him.
Wade Wilson is a graduate (victim) of the secret super soldier program, Weapon X. There he was trained to be a living weapon (experimented on) & hailed as the greatest of the program’s warriors (rejected as a failure). Now, he’s not only one of the world’s most dangerous man (that’s true), but he’s also one of the world’s most intelligent (insane) & attractive bachelors (actually he’s hideous). So ladies (if you saw his face you would probably–) Hey– (–puke all over your–) Dude. (What?) What are you doing? (whaddaya mean?) Tryin’ to give a bio here. (Well then get your facts straight.) It’s OUR bio, bro! (…OH…).
So here goes..
8.45 AM
“What? Why am I up so early?”
“My brain’s not even up yet.”
Voice 1: “We are up.”
Voice 2: “Talk about yourself.”
“But why so early?”
Voice 1: “We gotta go to our job.”
“What job? I have a job?”
Voice 1: “Yeah. Who do you think kills people around here?”
Voice 2: “I might not be awake right now but I know the answer to that question.”
“That’s us. Right?”
9.10 AM
“Need some pancakes.”
“Need some thousand pancakes.”
Voice 2: “Are we acting mad again?”
Voice 1: “That’s like all the time.”
10.00 AM
*A knock on the door*
Voice 1: “Maybe a friend of ours.”
“We have friends?”
Voice 2: “Yeah, those who don’t care about us.”
“You mean, those who won’t kill us?”
Voice 2: “Exactly.”
“Wait.. Where the hell is my IPhone?”
Voice 1: “Yeah we need our daily dose of Candy Crush before we do anything.”
Voice 2: “Or flappy bird.”
“Seriously? How is it even possible that my brain doesn’t know the stuff that I know?”
“It’s Snapchat time.”
Voice 1: “But.. “
Voice 2: “Oh shut up. We know we need friends for that.”
“And we have Bob, our BFF.”
*Another knock*
“Yeah, Bob. Coming.”
“But, first, lemme take a selfie!”
Artist: Nick Bradshaw
*On the door, a pizza delivery guy*
“Who ordered pizza?”
Voice 1: “I did.”
“What? When?”
Voice 2: “How?”
“We amuse us.”
Voice 1: “Oh please, just pay the guy.”
“Got no money, dude. Should have consulted before ordering.”
Pizza guy: “Make it fast.”
Voice 2: “Isn’t he a little irritating.”
Voice 1: “Don’t do this guys. He’s my usual delivery guy.”
“I’ll pay him right.”
Voice 1: “DON’T.. “
*BAM*
Voice 2: “Now that’s a job done right.”
To be continued..
(If anyone wants to see more of this, comment)
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